Anonymous asked: Every relationship is different and it depends on the people in it. There is NO timeline for dating. You go with what you feel is best.
^^totally agree!
Anonymous asked: is there an ideal stage for relationships? like you should go on how ever many dates before becoming boy/girl friends, date for how ever many years before being living together, engaged, married... thoughts?
Honestly, I ask myself this every time I enter a relationship. What’s the appropriate time to start becoming “a couple”? When is it considered “going steady”? What does “going steady” mean? What the hell does “dating” mean.
The truth is that everyone has a different idea of when things should happen. It’s such a lame answer but you choose the timeline. Society can give you a general guideline, but really listen to your heart. If you’re going too fast, you’re going too fast. It will be right when you know it’s right.
BUT because I know you would only be asking this question if you were struggling with this, I’ll give you what I like to call my general guidelines. Don’t follow these if you don’t want to, but these might help you determine where you are in your relationship. Remember that this is loosely based. It depends on your partner and their opinion on where things are going too.
Date 1: This is your average coffee date. Coffee is just coffee. Take it slow. Don’t assume anything. Reveal nothing serious. Reveal everything awesome about yourself.
Date 2: This is the follow-up date. This is the one where you spend time doing something you both mutually enjoy. Like talking a walk, going to the park, going to a museum. DO NOT GO SHOPPING. This might seem like a great idea at first, until you realize that you’re just walking around a mall with someone you want to get to know and malls are not the place to do it.
Date 3: This is (hopefully) your dinner, lunch or brunch date. This is where you find out their general manners, etiquette, punctuality and fashion sense.
If you’re like me and don’t want to waste time with someone you’re just going to have a fling with, then after the 5th date I normally ask where this is going and what he expects from this. That’s always a good question to ask.
Start meeting the parents around the 3-5 month mark. You want them to get along with your family right? Well, now is your chance. Don’t introduce him to your extended family until around the 7-12 month mark. Start slow and work your way up. Have him be at your house during an event, then take him to one or two small dinners that occur at restaurants.
If you aren’t like me and you’re super chill and breezy about it, then you’ll wait 3 or 4 months and establish along the way what you are. Either or works.
I would say after a year and a half to two years do you start moving in together. That way you know each other, you’ve met the parents and extended family and you’re ready to take that leap. Engaged is dependent upon the proposer and marriage is dependent upon the couple.
I have a hard time with these things myself. I hope this helped though!
—jessica
Anonymous asked: why would you lie to your friend like that?
I’m obviously a bad person who doesn’t care about people.
^^that was a lie. Like I said, I don’t like hurting people’s feelings. Had I said “hey, I really hate concerts so I don’t want to come out and support you and watch you sing old granny music” then I probably would’ve gotten something similar to “wow, you’re an ass” and “some friend you are”. Which is essentially what I’m getting now. So either way, same problem and same reaction with the same outcome.
—jessica
My Body is Mine and Mine Alone
Evening All,
I’ve been having a slow melt down in the last few weeks. Actually, ever since I started seeing 25, I was having a melt down. I’ve never been a person who has been concerned about body image. I’m petite, slender and feminine. I accepted that I had a different body than everyone else but that it was nothing to be ashamed of. I had spent my entire life being different mentally and ethnically, that my body was just another thing to tack on to my board of uniqueness.
That’s not to say that I wasn’t like any other girl who wanted to change something about her body. I’ve never been so self-conscious that I’ve developed an eating disorder or gone to get plastic surgery or went for breast implants. Insecurity isn’t a foreign feeling to me. I never had a bum when I was younger. It was pretty flat and pretty non-existent. I didn’t (and still don’t) have much of a chest. I learned to live with that and to work with it. I’ve never been tall, lanky or had naturally curly hair. I’ve never had slender fingers or dainty feet. I’ve never had high cheek bones and a defined jaw line. I definitely haven’t ever had a nose bridge (makes wearing most sunglasses hard). Despite all of these things I don’t have, I have many other attributes that I absolutely love. I have back dimples, I have slender legs, I have beautiful toes, I have full lips, I have perfect ears. I have absolutely gorgeous ears and a breathtaking smile. I know these things about myself.
As I got older, and I’m moving into my 20s, my metabolism is starting to slow down and now I’m beginning to see myself in a different light. I’m starting to lose that beautifying light I saw myself under. It’s frustrating because I just started seeing how pretty I was. It’s becoming an obsession and it’s starting to scare me. Now, every day when I wake up and get out of the shower, instead of seeing a gorgeous girl, I see a girl with a bit of a stomach. I see a girl with a very straight physique. I see someone who looks like a tree trunk and it hurts to know that I see myself that way and only years before did I notice that I was beautiful.
I’m scared that I’m going to develop an eating disorder. That instead of anorexia or bulimia, it will become a disordered eating pattern. That instead of eating and throwing up, I just won’t eat at all. I’m afraid of becoming that body conscious person. I’m afraid of losing myself to someone else’s expectations. I’m afraid that because I wasn’t good enough for someone else that I’ll end up not being good enough for myself. That I’ll have lost myself so much that I will be unrecognizable.
Can I just say that I’m afraid?
So for all of you girls out there that are body conscious out there, know that everyone has moments in their lives where they think they’re not good enough. But it’s so untrue. Your body is yours, and yours alone. Nobody should be able to criticize or judge you for how it looks. Your body will not look similar to someone else’s because you are unique in such an amazing way. Please don’t ever forget that.
Just remember you’re beautiful just the way you are.
—jessica
Anonymous asked: I have a best guy friend and we're pretty close I guess... He asks me for relationship advise all the time, and I tell him about my boy problems. I have a bf but I did used to kind of like him. I was his sponsor for confirmation recently and he calls me all the time, and we both shared our anxiety disorders with each other. We go out to lunch and stuff with each other all the time, we laugh and joke and just get along really well. (cont.)
My sister tells me he likes me because she thinks we can’t just be friends, but I really don’t know… Do you think we could be this close and stay just friends?
Don’t let anyone tell you what your relationship can or can’t be. I firmly believe that when you find a person that you can share everything with and you just click, then you have life made.
I personally am best friends with two guys. One of them I tell literally everything to. When 25 broke up with me, I called him sobbing my brains out. When his ex broke up with him, he called me doing the same. Z and K told me that some day MM and I would end up screwing each other. I firmly denied it because that guy is like my brother. Just way closer.
You can be that close and be whatever you want it to be. It’s up to you, how you want to define it and what you think you can handle and how the future pans out.
MM takes me out to dinners, I go to his family events and he comes to mine. People think we’re dating but the reality of things is that I go to these functions because he means something to me. MM is one of my very best friends. I love his family, he loves mine, they love each other. It’s an all around win really.
My short answer? YES. You can be that close and be JUST friends.
—jessica
Anonymous asked: Hi so I need advice because I have a crush on this guy and I can't tell if this guy likes me or not and just want someone elses opinion. So we're in math class together and we always talk and laugh and stuff and he sometimes will make comments about me having a boyfriend (which I don't) but he'll be like "ooh what did you do this weekend? hang with your boyfriend?" or “who are you texting? Your boyfriend?” But he’s super friendly with everyone so I’m not sure if (continued)
so I’m not sure if he’s just being my friend and sometimes I can feel him looking in my direction but idk if he’s looking at me or not. Yesterday he kept mentioning how he thought my sister was sooo pretty :( which made me think he wasn’t interested. BUT today he mentioned how I looked like my sister. Tomorrow is the last day of school for all of summer break and I probably won’t see him and idk what to do!!!
If you like him and don’t want to come off as cocky, just straight up tell him that you like him. If he responds in kind, perfect. Your problem is solved. If he says, you’re a really nice girl but I think we’re better off as friends, then shake off the rejection and move on.
If I were to speculate, it would seem as though he seems to be into you. Whether that’s as a really good friend or as a girlfriend, you’ll have to determine that. Guys can be pretty wishy washy in that sense and send mixed signals as often as girls do. Remember that guys are human beings too and just as confusing as girls. They don’t really know what they’re doing either.
Make sure you get his number and hang out regularly in the summer. Your friendship will become stronger over the months where you don’t have school!
Best of luck :)
—jessica
Anonymous asked: how should I handle fights with my significant other? we havent fought yet but of course that will come up soon? like what do you do? how do you have a good fight and stand your ground? any past experiences?
First of all, brace yourself. Whether it’s a big fight or a little one, it’s going to hurt. It might not come up at all. I’ve known some couples who have small arguments, handle it appropriately and never fight very often. There’s a difference between differing opinions, an argument and a fight. As you can tell, they get bigger and worse as they progress.
First of all, focus on what you’re fighting about. Don’t bring up things from the past that drive you insane. If you’re fighting about the fact that he/she doesn’t stand up to his/her friends, don’t bring up the fact that he/she doesn’t pick up his/her dirty laundry either. That has nothing to do with the topic and it’ll seem like you’re attacking him/her. While you’re going to want to pull every little thing EVER into the argument, don’t. It’ll only make it worse. So remind yourself every other minute or so to stay on topic. Do not go off the rails into a completely different topic.
If it’s something important to you, stick to your guns. Don’t let him/her walk all over you, don’t let him/her seduce you or persuade you. If you want your voice to be heard, make sure it is. If he/she does something like kisses you in hopes that you’ll drop the topic completely, keep your wits about you and make it known that this topic is important to you and that you would really like to discuss it with him/her.
Don’t yell. Yelling will get you absolutely no where, at least in my opinion. Yelling is just a competition to see who is louder and while that would be great in a competitive setting, if you really want to talk an issue out, TALK it out. Use a normal voice level. Sit down like adults and communicate what you’re feeling.
Hear the other person out. Try to listen to the other person before interjecting. Conversations and arguments are not meant for you to persuade the other person to take your point of view, it’s to understand how they’re feeling, what they want and how you’re going to be able to compromise. Active listening is key. If you don’t understand something, say so. The reason why you’re having this conversation is because something is wrong. In order to know what is wrong, you have to understand. You can’t understand anything if you’re confused and have zero clue as to what’s going on.
Remember that some people have different ways of communicating. You might be a great verbal communicator, but some people are better written communicators (I know I am) and it’s all about using those to your advantage. If you’re a written communicator, write a letter and read it aloud to your partner. Interject with your thoughts as you’re reading this letter. If you’re a better verbal communicator but your partner is a written communicator, make it known that written communication is a great way to communicate but that you might need them to be there when you read the letter just in case you have questions.
My best advice? Take a breather for a little bit. Walk away if the conversation is becoming too heated and you’re just arguing and not coming to a solution. Come back in a few days when your thoughts are collected. You’ll be able to wrap your head around the issue and really establish where your feelings are coming from and WHY you’re feeling the way you do.
The only times that I’ve ever fought hardcore have been with my parents and while it’s not a fight like with a significant other, I fight the same with everyone. In silence. I have everything I want to say in my head, but my mouth refuses to move. I had one fight with my parents where I stood up for myself and the guy I was seeing. They were being snoopy and rude and I called them out on it. I also called them out on a bunch of things said in the argument and I stood my ground.
The main point in an argument is to maintain respect for the other person. You respected them before the fight, respect them during it.
—jessica
Anonymous asked: what did you and k fight about? And same with CWK. it's sad your not friends with these people anymore :( Losing friends really sucks.
I’m going to fess up and say that this fight was probably induced by me. I’m a great friend, but I have a really bad habit of saying no and not saying straight up why. I don’t like hurting the other person’s feelings but in the long run, I do end up doing just that because I wasn’t straight up. Lessons in life I must learn.
Anyways, K wanted me to go to her year end choir concert that she had been working super hard towards the entire year. While I get that her hard work is a huge deal and that I was really proud of her, I hate choir concerts. It’s just not my idea of fun to sit and watch people sing random songs in a very formal setting. That’s no excuse, I should have been there. I know.
However, that was the week after Easter and my parents had been in Vegas for the past week and I was sure that my grandparents were going to want to have Easter dinner when they got back in town. Turns out, they didn’t. My family comes before everyone. That includes friends and even boyfriends. I will cancel on friends for my family unless my friends become my family.
So long story short, I told K that I had Easter dinner and I wouldn’t be able to attend her concert, completely forgot about her concert, invited her out to watch improv the evening of her concert and she called me out on making up excuses for not attending the concert.
The reason why I haven’t called her or texted her or kept in contact is because, despite the fact that I wasn’t supporting her at her concert, she didn’t support me either. The entire time during my campaign to be President, she didn’t once ask me how it was going or if she could assist me. I didn’t put up a fuss because I knew she was busy. I would’ve liked the help and appreciated the support but I understood why she didn’t say anything.
So for her to be deeply offended that I didn’t attend her concert was sort of stupid. We both didn’t support each other in our endeavors. And honestly, if you can’t be there to send a text and say “hey, proud of you for running for president. good luck”, then I shouldn’t be expected to put effort into your events either. It’s a two way street. You get what you put in.
That’s my idea anyway.
As for the CWK and SAK, you lose touch with people who you have nothing in common with. If you have to physically work at talking to someone everyday, then they aren’t really your friends. They’re just acquaintances.
Losing friends does suck, but hey, it happens. I could dwell on it, or I could move on.
—jessica
Hard Work
Hello All!
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately (not that that’s unusual for me. I tend to think way more than I need to) and I came to this conclusion: no matter what type of person you are, how smart you claim to be or how smart you really are, it’s your work ethic that determines the kind of person people see you as. Everyone has a different kind of work ethic. Some people laze about and get things done last minute, some people prep months in advance, some people do absolutely shit all every single day and some people give 200% to everything that they do.
I think I fall into the last category. I am by no means a perfectionist. There are days where I am literally too tired to worry about the little things but I do have a strong work ethic. I don’t half ass the things I love to do, I don’t think anyone really half asses the things they love.
I work 7-9 hour days every day. They’re long hours, but it’s not grueling work. It’s a lot of mental work. It’s a lot of planning and programming, but I work hard at it. I work hard to make the programs and the events something the kids will love. I do that with a lot of things though. I want people to walk away from every event I’ve ever pulled off thinking “Man, that was the greatest event I have ever been too in a long time”. I want to achieve that. I want that wow factor.
Sometimes I do it unconsciously. I didn’t actually know I worked this hard until someone told me that they’ve never seen someone so dedicated to what they do or who banks hours at home willingly. Well, I do. It gives me something to do and I love doing it. Getting the praise and the recognition is just a bonus.
Recently, I started writing up a newsletter for the society I’m a part of. I am so proud of it because it looks great. I can’t wait to debut it to all my friends and family and I can’t wait for the Chinese community to set eyes on it. I’ve worked so hard to make it perfect, and I’ve tried my absolute best to capture my society as a whole. I can only hope my hard work has paid off.
What I meant to say during this post was this: hard work and perseverance pay off. It might not pay off right away but it will pay off. You might not notice it, and it might not come in one big chunk, but you will benefit from it.
I know I did. Anyways, I’m signing off for this evening. I’m dog tired from the days events (more like the week’s events) and I still have so much more to do.
—jessica
Anonymous asked: I love this blog, I feel like hearing bout your friendships helps me grow in my own friendships. How are things with MM? Or 1DG? How about K and the CWK? or the SAK?
I’m so glad you love this blog, because guess what? I love this blog too. Friendships are some of the toughest things to find, keep, and grow. I’m happy that you’re taking inspiration from me; it’s taken a lot of hard work on my end to be a really good friend and to find that really good friend that I just click with.
MM and I will always be best friends. He’s the guy who has my back and I’m the girl that’s got his. When I cry, he comes running. When he cries, I go running. That’s just the nature of our relationship. I love this boy to pieces and if I didn’t have him, I don’t know where I would be. His brother is graduating this year and I am so absolutely lucky to have both of them in my lives. MM and Hipster Football Boy (HFB AKA MM’s brother) is the sweetest soul I have ever met. He loves some of the same things as I do and he makes sure that any guy I date is up to par. These two boys have my back and I love them so so so much for it. HFB is graduating this weekend and I can’t wait to give him a giant hug for all his hard work this year.
1DG is my girl. This lady is my best friend. No joke. I was gone for 3 days in Alaska, and she emailed me because she missed me. Not going to lie for a second, I missed her too. There were things that I would pass and giggle at because I thought she would find them funny. I was sooo happy when I got home and I saw her pretty face. I missed that gal.
K. Now this is where things go a little off-road. K and I clicked for a little while there when we really needed each other and it was nice to have someone to talk to and vent and just…lean on I guess. But people outgrow other people and that’s just fine. We sort of had a falling out over something that meant a lot to both of us. We haven’t reconciled yet, but I don’t think we really will. That’s a tale for another time though.
I haven’t actually been a part of the CWK for about 2 years now. They used to be some of my best friends and I loved them to pieces but I guess I just didn’t fit in with them that well. They had all known each other since junior high and I jumped in at the back end of high school. They had so many inside jokes and special memories, that I just didn’t feel included a lot of the time. I also didn’t see them for a year because while I was dating WM, I never made the effort to hang out with them. Admittedly, I was one of those girls who dropped her friends for a guy. I made a mistake and I paid for it. I couldn’t do anything about it, and so I moved on.
I haven’t actually talked to the SAK for a while. The last time I talked to the SAK had to have been about 10 or so months ago. We sort of just fell out of touch because I no was no longer dating WM. I see them and I say hello and chat but I don’t hang out with them on a daily basis or chat with them on a daily basis. I do talk to this one girl, we’ll call her True Love Girl, she’s one of WM’s best friends but we keep everything between us strictly confidential and help each other out with boy stuff and life. She’s pretty cool.
Friendships are hard to cultivate and they take work, but if it’s worth the right person, it should never feel like a chore.
—jessica
