Anonymous asked: how should I handle fights with my significant other? we havent fought yet but of course that will come up soon? like what do you do? how do you have a good fight and stand your ground? any past experiences?
First of all, brace yourself. Whether it’s a big fight or a little one, it’s going to hurt. It might not come up at all. I’ve known some couples who have small arguments, handle it appropriately and never fight very often. There’s a difference between differing opinions, an argument and a fight. As you can tell, they get bigger and worse as they progress.
First of all, focus on what you’re fighting about. Don’t bring up things from the past that drive you insane. If you’re fighting about the fact that he/she doesn’t stand up to his/her friends, don’t bring up the fact that he/she doesn’t pick up his/her dirty laundry either. That has nothing to do with the topic and it’ll seem like you’re attacking him/her. While you’re going to want to pull every little thing EVER into the argument, don’t. It’ll only make it worse. So remind yourself every other minute or so to stay on topic. Do not go off the rails into a completely different topic.
If it’s something important to you, stick to your guns. Don’t let him/her walk all over you, don’t let him/her seduce you or persuade you. If you want your voice to be heard, make sure it is. If he/she does something like kisses you in hopes that you’ll drop the topic completely, keep your wits about you and make it known that this topic is important to you and that you would really like to discuss it with him/her.
Don’t yell. Yelling will get you absolutely no where, at least in my opinion. Yelling is just a competition to see who is louder and while that would be great in a competitive setting, if you really want to talk an issue out, TALK it out. Use a normal voice level. Sit down like adults and communicate what you’re feeling.
Hear the other person out. Try to listen to the other person before interjecting. Conversations and arguments are not meant for you to persuade the other person to take your point of view, it’s to understand how they’re feeling, what they want and how you’re going to be able to compromise. Active listening is key. If you don’t understand something, say so. The reason why you’re having this conversation is because something is wrong. In order to know what is wrong, you have to understand. You can’t understand anything if you’re confused and have zero clue as to what’s going on.
Remember that some people have different ways of communicating. You might be a great verbal communicator, but some people are better written communicators (I know I am) and it’s all about using those to your advantage. If you’re a written communicator, write a letter and read it aloud to your partner. Interject with your thoughts as you’re reading this letter. If you’re a better verbal communicator but your partner is a written communicator, make it known that written communication is a great way to communicate but that you might need them to be there when you read the letter just in case you have questions.
My best advice? Take a breather for a little bit. Walk away if the conversation is becoming too heated and you’re just arguing and not coming to a solution. Come back in a few days when your thoughts are collected. You’ll be able to wrap your head around the issue and really establish where your feelings are coming from and WHY you’re feeling the way you do.
The only times that I’ve ever fought hardcore have been with my parents and while it’s not a fight like with a significant other, I fight the same with everyone. In silence. I have everything I want to say in my head, but my mouth refuses to move. I had one fight with my parents where I stood up for myself and the guy I was seeing. They were being snoopy and rude and I called them out on it. I also called them out on a bunch of things said in the argument and I stood my ground.
The main point in an argument is to maintain respect for the other person. You respected them before the fight, respect them during it.
Anonymous asked: perfect date?
Gah. Good question. Let me give you a couple scenarios that I think I would probably melt if someone took me on a date like this. Some of them WM and I tried, but it didn’t really work because it’s WM.
1. Picnic on the floor.
It’s way too cold here in Edmonton to even remotely think about having a picnic in the snow. Maybe if there was a heater, but then you might as well just have a picnic indoors. Which comes to my perfect date. Ready? Let’s start from the beginning. Let’s say this is at his place.
He blind folds me in the car after coming to pick me up and tells me not to peek. He slowly walks me up his front steps and I wait patiently (albeit with butterflies in my tummy) as he unlocks and opens the door. He slowly guides me, one of my hands in his. He pulls me to a stop and walks behind me to take the blind fold off. As he’s doing this, he tells me to keep my eyes closed until he says that I can open them. I agree (grudgingly, might I add) and feel the blindfold slip off my face. His hands rest on my waist as he whispers in my ear to open my eyes. As my eyes quickly fly open (I’m impatient okay? None of this one eye at a time business), i’m greeted with the most perfect site. There on the ground is a red and white checkered blanket, laid perfectly on the floor of his kitchen. He has the wicker picnic basket in one corner, a bottle of sparkling apple cider (because I seriously dislike wine, beer, and champagne) and some wine glasses. In the middle of the blanket, is a huge bouquet of flowers already in a vase. Dinner is laid out on the floor already, steaming hot and a wrapped present in the spot where I’m intended to sit. My eyes obviously water, and the grin I have on my face couldn’t even be wiped off by death.
2. Taking me to a rooftop, and dancing in the snow.
Here in Edmonton, in the winter, snow is inevitable during the winter and winter lasts forever. Which is why snow, is possibly my most romantic decor item, despite the fact that nature decides when it falls.
I’ve always enjoyed spontaneity. I’ve always liked surprises. Surprises to me, show that the person went through the effort to plan something to impress but also made the effort to keep it a surprise. I’m weird, I know. Anyways, dancing in the snow. Ready?
He’ll realize it’s snowing, call me up and all he’ll say is “wear something warm, bring a blanket and be ready in half an hour”. I’ll be flustered because I won’t know what’s going on. He’ll pick me up but not say a word as to what he has planned. We stop at a building that I don’t recognize and he helps me out of the car. He pulls me along and we run break neck speed up a bajillion sets of stairs (let’s assume I’m in shape). The last few stairs he offers to piggy back me the rest of the way. I laughingly agree and jump on his back and quickly kiss him on the cheek. We get to the rooftop of this building. He helps me off his back and sets me on the ground. He looks at the sky, it’s still snowing lightly. He pulls a small speaker and his iPhone out of his pocket. I’m confused at his actions. He plugs in his phone, quickly finds a slow song, presses play and then looks at me. He asks me if I want to dance. I obviously ask “here, right now?” and he nods his head patiently waiting for me to take his hand. I place mine in his and he pulls me towards him. We spend the next hour quietly enjoying the city noises and the melody coming from the speakers as we slow dance in the snow on a rooftop.
3. Surprise dinner
Anything that could possibly surprise me is always a good thing. Especially if he manages to get me to clear my schedule that day for some other reason other than we’re going on a date. So, let’s see what he does, hmm?
I come home from work only for my parents to tell me that I have a gift in my room. When I walk in, I find a new dress, jewelry and a pair of brand new shoes and a note that says “Be ready by 7. We’re going out for dinner”. I start getting ready and true to his words, at 7 he is there to pick me up. He helps me into the car and we leave for dinner.
In other words, I melt from the cuteness. Sigh. I wish half of this would happen. Sadly, it hasn’t.
Grey’s girl is making me nutso crazy this week. Oh my god. With the whining and the carrying on. You would honestly think I had shot her. It’s really hard because we live in different time zones. So our schedules don’t match up and we really have to work hard to make time for one another. Every time we tired to talk though she just ended up getting mad at me for shit that wasn’t my fault. “You don’t care about me.” “You didn’t text me all day.” “If you honestly loved me you would come and see me.” It’s really drives me crazy, like I work all day every single day. I’m doing my best. I don’t have time to date a whiny toddler though. I look after kids aged 4-13 all day long. I don’t need to be dating one too.
Hello everyone! So first let’s do some house keeping. Major thanks and kudos to Jessica for keeping this blog up and running for the past few months. She’s a genius hey? I hope you all enjoyed getting to know her. And believe me, you are lucky to get advice from her!
Anyways I though I would thrill (or try too) all of you with some updates from my life. So I met this girl. :) And she’s amazing and beautiful and I get to call her my girlfriend! GAAAAAHHHH. Sorry, I needed a moment to be 12 again. For the sake of her Privacy we will call her Grey’s Girl (because she loooves Grey’s anatomy, like me). We’ve been dating for the last 4 months and it’s been really great. We’ve had our fair share of ups and downs since we have a lot of distance separating us, but it’s be worth every fight. The good moments majorly out do the bad. There have been tons of new experiences and lots of firsts. Lots of fumbling around and trying to figure out who we are. All that good stuff that comes with a new relationship ;) I hope to try and stay on top of things a little bit more. So I will let you all know about Grey’s Girl and I. I think I have some pretty good stories to share if y’all are interested.
Anonymous asked: My boyfriend has a foot fetish...i'm really not into that stuff. What do i do? I feel extremely uncomfortable but at the same I really like him and want to please him. Please help!!! - dazed girl
Hello Dazed Girl!
First off, thanks for giving me a name to address you by! It’s nice being able to type something other than “anonymous” or “friend”.
Secondly, thanks for asking your question!
Thirdly, if it really makes you uncomfortable just let him know. You shouldn’t have anything done to you that you don’t feel comfortable with. He may find pleasure in your feet but find a medium ground where it satisfies his fetish and your comfort zone! You can please him without feeling uncomfortable. Talk about your likes and dislikes and experiment. What feels good, what doesn’t and while you’re doing that be sure to watch body language and listen to what you partner is vocalizing. A moan or sigh here or there may mean you’re doing it correctly.Which means, continue doing it!
I hope that helped! If you have further questions don’t hesitate to ask or email us at firstname.lastname@example.org! Thanks for reading our blog!
—jessica and zoe
Anonymous asked: do you consider WM to be the one? can you see yourself with him for the rest of your life?
Excellent question, really. I’ve always been one to look ahead in my relationships. So even guys I’ve liked I’ve considered if they were “The One”. I can’t say any of them were. And I can’t say WM is either. We’ve been dating 4 months, it’s too early to think of long term commitment and it’s too early to figure out if he’s “The One”. Could he make me happy? Sure. Can I see us together? Yes. Is he “The One”? I doubt it. It would be very fairy-tale like for me to marry my first boyfriend. It would be wonderful and it would make me incredibly happy but at 18 how do we know what we want? How do I know what I want in a husband? I’m learning and he’s learning.
I was talking to my friend this morning. She recently broke up with my other good friend. It was mutual and they thought it was going to be a forever kind of love. It was his first relationship but not her’s. She brought up a good point. Experiencing other things and other people and figuring out what you want can be beneficial. As you age and grow, you change. And maybe they are no longer part of that change. Which is completely valid.
I’ve thought about him being “The One”. But honestly? I don’t think he’s it. He’s my right now, he’s my present and maybe my future.
Dating is all about what you want right now. It can lead to the future, it can lead to something more but it doesn’t always have to. It’s your present. Cherish right now and what you have. The future will be there. Don’t rush, have fun.
I hope that answered your question!
—jessica and zoe
Anonymous asked: Hi, I'm following your posts and I was wondering, does your sexuality class teaches you anything about seducing men? I want to spice things up with my boyfriend but I don't know what the best way is... like dressing sexy, lapdances? What are your thoughts?
Sadly, it does not. That would be useful wouldn’t it? It’s more scientific than really practical. But I’m sure I can still help you out! First off: confidence! Do you have some of that? Good, I’m glad. It’s a great asset. So long as you think you look good, he probably will too. It’s proven that if a women thinks she looks good in her outfit, her boyfriend/husband/significant other will too. Dressing sexy is always a great way to start off. Sexy doesn’t mean slutty though. Sexy means class. Make sure you’re classy and you’re coy and cute about it. Men like virgins who are sexually experienced. How that works is beyond me, but that’s what they like. So stick with being classy. I suggest some really nice heels that elongate your legs but that you can walk in. Last thing you want is to fall flat on your face. Lap dances are proven to arouse a male (why else would strip clubs/ female entertainers be so successful?) but there is a large difference between a good lap dance and a very bad lap dance. If you don’t know how I suggest doing some research (I think Cosmopolitan is an excellent source for material like that).
I know this may seem crazy and that I’m a lunatic for suggesting things but try using toys. Whatever suits your fancy or tell each other your fantasies and act them out. There are tonnes of things that you can do sexually if that’s what you want or not if you’re in the early stages. Do whatever is most comfortable to you and what you think is appropriate. Talk about it with your partner. Communication can really improve your intimacy in many ways and not just sexually.
I hope that answered your question! Thanks for following our blog!
—jessica and zoe
I’ve been asked to talk more about my boyfriend and while I know you all want to know who this wonderful man is, I think I’m going to keep him a secret for a bit. Let’s call him WonderMan or WM for short! We met through a mutual friend and his sense of humor and his lovable nerdy side is what got me tripping over myself and falling head first. The fact that he’s good-looking and smart too is a really huge bonus. To me, it’s like winning the lottery. What got me tripping over my own two feet and falling in love with him was simply because he was doing math and I was in awe that despite the fact that he had had a couple drinks, he was still able to do calculus and get the correct answer. I was smitten from the very beginning. He’s also incredibly funny and sarcastic. Think of the most sarcastic person you know, and WM is pretty much 10 times that. His sarcasm is a very attractive quality.
Everyday I wake up and constantly ask myself what I ever did to deserve him. He’s a really big part of my life and I never thought that someone could consume so much of time (in a good way of course). He consumes every thought of mine and most of the time I’m thinking of what I can do with him on date night :)
I have to tell you all, that he’s a really thoughtful guy. For Valentine’s Day, he drove all the way to Ikea on the south side (which is a big deal for us) in order to get me a stuffed animal that I hugged on our first date and nonchalantly, in passing had suggested he purchase said stuffy for V-Day. He remembered that! Can you believe it? I almost cried I was so speechless (which is also another big deal, because I’m a talker. You can’t shut me up). Isn’t he a sweetheart? I know, he’s a keeper. I keep reminding myself of that.
If you’re wondering, I’m about 5’0”-5’1”. WM is about 5’8”-5’9”. So we have a significant height difference, which I absolutely adore. I’ve always been a sucker for tall guys and he’s the perfect height. Not too tall, not too short but tall enough that when I kiss him, he has to duck a little and I have to stand on my tippy-toes. I classify those kisses as the best kind. He has dirty blonde hair and it’s the softest stuff ever. I love running my hands through it, he hates it when I do that though. It “messes up his hair” and then he “has to go shower”. He’s a pretty broad guy and when I wrap my arms around him, his warmth radiates through every inch of me. His smile though, is one of the greatest things about him. Sometimes, he’ll send me this really soft smile where the edges of his eyes crinkle a little bit and I can just see his pearly white teeth. It also happens to be a little crooked and Edward Cullen-esque (don’t tell him I said that though, he will dislike that a lot). Every time I get one of those smiles, I can’t help but smile back. They’re intoxicating in a really, really good way.
The way his plays with my fingers as we’re holding hands is one of the cutest things I’ve seen/felt. His fingers will often squeeze gently and tug on mine occasionally. Sometimes when we’re not holding hands, he’ll take mine in his and wriggle his fingers between mine so that they’re intertwined and each and every time he does that, I get butterflies in my stomach and I giggle. I’m a little love struck, so sue me.
Neither of us are perfect, neither of us are all around amazing people with a happy disposition all the time. No one is like that; the great thing about that though, is the effort and love that goes into the relationship. We’ve built some really great fundamentals from the beginning, so that this rough patch we’re going through, is tough. It could be tougher though. We’re just plowing through it. And so far, we’re on the mend :)
Tell me about your significant others or boyfriends/girlfriends? What do you do for fun? Or what’s the sweetest thing he/she has done for you?
Have a great evening lovelies! Smile :) for great significant others!